Crashing

This week has probably been one of the most stressful for our grade for the entire year... three major, grade-wide projects/essays all within a span of four days is not something any person can juggle well, no matter how much time they are granted.

Meanwhile, exams are in full swing. AP for most International and English students. IB for my school, and probably many other British, Australian, etc schools. We're at a place where life seems to crash down upon yes.

Yet, this is also the time when lack of motivation strikes us the hardest. We look too quickly towards the end, and drop off. We take a leap of faith, and usually, we jump too early.

So for those of you who are in the midst of what may be the equivalent of hell, yet, are lacking the motivation to stay on top of it, don't sell yourself short. You may end up crashing by looking too far ahead.

Paint This Sky

The world is messed up.

There's two ways one assumes this view. One is through the perspective of looking at things like political corruption, mass genocides and shootings, wars, crap like that. The person perspective.
The other is looking at things like how we're losing species at about a thousand times faster than ever before, we're quickly running out of legitimately green woods, and if this keeps up, we probably won't even have pure water anymore. The ecological perspective.

And sometimes, the two views are intertwined. I think the question though is this:
What caused this?

Without a doubt, the resounding answer is humans. But I think that it's not just us - I mean, we've lived for several thousands (and probably more) years, and our problems haven't been major until now.
The issue thus lies in our own human desires. We want so damn much in our lives. We have decided our primitive nature wasn't satisfying, so we want. We want to see whatever we can of this world. Live great lives where we know anything we want is at our finger tips. Maybe even get our names written in all the history textbooks.

But this want has stifled a larger part of our humanity. And if you want to know what I mean, try to find a night where you can get away from the world, a world that's messed up, a world with so much want. And when you're in a good countryside, or by a nice beach, or just somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of life, look up.

Look up and be marvelled by the same stars you might have marvelled about as a kid.

We have so many human desires, we've been sacrificing our ability to be amazed. And I wonder - are those with everything in the world capable of being amazed? Can they look past the satisfaction of their desires, and realize they've satisfied nothing that actually matters?

Let's Waste Time/Chasing Cars/Around Our Heads

We live in a world where time is our worst enemy.
As we try to understand this world, find meaning, and ultimately make something out of our time here, we race a clock that never stops ticking, never speeds up, never slows down.
I suppose the question then becomes, what to do? How do we spend the seconds, minutes, hours, days of our lives, trying to find meaning?
Because when we form good memories, we find a bittersweet taste in our mouth - the feeling that an experience was so good, we don't want it to end. Or bad memories, which taste sour - so horrible, it scars us, even if we want it to end.
And the clock keeps on ticking.

I think, though, that in our pursuit to find meaning in this life, we want to find meaning IN us. Not just what we are in the equation of life, but why we matter to us. Why am I important to myself?
So in the end, as ephemeral as these memories are, we want them - they give us volume, no matter the taste. We must take advantage of life as much as possible.
The clock keeps on ticking.

Shards

I initially did say that I would not be including writing anymore, but I think this poem has an important message I would like to give to anyone (plus, it's an easy way for me to get back into the swing of blogging).
To those in distress: have heart, for the experience will make you stronger than ever.

I am glass

No.

WE are glass

Glass humans in a world of blasting irons

Impacts coming from different things

Shame

Fear

Hatred

Lust

Greed

Selfishness

Pride

Distrust

Loneliness

And more

These impacts rock our world

And shatter our little glass bodies

Our pathetic little glass bodies

Shatter

And they become

Shards

The greater the impact

The smaller the shards

Some are very large

Some are like dust

But we can’t afford

To lose any shard

We try to rebuild ourselves

Take each shard

No matter how big

No matter how small

And put them all back together

We try to reconstruct ourselves

So we don’t see that it isn’t enough

We don’t realize

We are too

Weak

Scared

Angry

Upset

To even try

Because the shards are shattered again

Yet we spend so much time picking them up

We don’t realize that

They are fixed

Into a mosaic

Glittering

Beautiful

Luminescent

Colorful

Miraculous

Constructed before we even knew we would be broken

Now we stand

Reconstructed

In a new life

Because we are filled with amazing love

From a sacrifice on the cross

We have been given the chance

To be come amazing

To become amazed

To be a masterpiece

From broken shards.

City lights

We'll climb higher together and make this right

We'll stand at the top and shine in city lights

I made up these two lines up on the spot (at least, I think I did. If this is actually a copyrighted song, oops), and I think it really fits life nowadays.
We want to be the best. Always. But we will need help. Always.
Two is better than one. It always has, always is, always will be true. And basking in the glory of success is not something you want to do alone - you want someone there with you, if not to at least witness the monumental success.

A Farewell to Harm, part deux

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need,

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,

Stuck in reverse

Sometimes, you're hurt. Bad. So bad you want to cry and scream. So bad that you want to give up everything. So bad that you don't know anything, what's up, what's down.
Sometimes, you know that someone is suffering the same thing. Their life is in chaos, and they're suffering. They're lost in a sea of pain, a sea of no hope.

What would you do?

As of recently, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. Personal turmoil in my own life (particularly, issues with expectations and self-esteem) have caused me to become despondent. I was literally ready to just lie on my bed and rot.

On the other hand, two really close friends have been in deep trouble. I won't go into details, this isn't the place for that. But they are both in terrible situations.

And the tears come streaming down your face,

When you lose something you can't replace,

When you love someone but it goes to waste,

Could it be worse?

When everything seems lost, what do you do?
You do whatever you can so that everyone is free from their troubles. If you're suffering, you find someone to help. Sometimes it's a friend. Sometimes it's an adult. If it's your friend, be there to help. Offer them encouragement. Don't be afraid to hold back your love. But be ready to get more help when they need it.

Don't be afraid to help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Be both the person that cries on a friend's shoulder and the shoulder a person can cry on.

It can make all the difference.

Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you

A Farewell to Harm

After a month (or two) hiatus from blogging, I'm back. I could explain why I was gone, but it ultimately comes down to forgetting I had a blog.
First of all, Happy New Years everyone :)
Second, time to discuss some things.

I'll be shifting the blog's focus away from writing. Not that should be an issue, since I never did a good job putting the focus on writing to begin with. What that does mean though is that I'm terminating work on Ephemeral the story. You're free to still read it in the previous posts, but know I won't be actively updating it any more. The reasons come down to two things:

1. I don't know how to take the story now. I know two major plot points I want to hit, but that's it. I don't know how to get there in a way that will be satisfying.
2. I don't have interest in Ephemeral anymore. To be frank, it's not my best work, and it follows a really shallow and stereotypical plot (at least in my opinion).

That being said, if you want to continue reading my work, shoot me a message on Facebook (and I do mean on Facebook, because if I don't know you, it's not happening).

I'll get around to posting more. I'll write something maybe tomorrow, but just know that I'm back.

Once again, Happy New Years! :) Make 2014 good!

Smile, Darling, Don't be Sad

This isn't going to be long, but I know it's true.

No matter whatever you tell yourself, or what others tell you, or what society tells you, you are an amazing person. You are beautiful in your own ways, and you have talents that are meant to be shared with the world. Most importantly, you may be judged by mortal standards, but God knows who you are and doesn't judge; he in fact made you just who you are because he loves you.

Never lose sight of yourself. Not for anyone's standards but your own and God's.

Don't Give Up (Song Interpretation)

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
~ Fix You by Coldplay

Originally, when I was painfully awaiting for November to come so I could do another song interpretation (note that down, song interpretation bimonthly), I had my mind set on a different song (I think Charlie Brown by Coldplay). And yet, after spending a week in Cambodia and seeing a country trying to recover from a complete political and economic devastation... well, this song popped into my head.

If you ever heard this song (which you might have, it's one of Coldplay's most famous songs), you'd probably already noticed that the song is a lot about recovering from some sort of suffering (and apparently, one that the protagonist is at fault for, but that's not my point). Previously, I used this song as part of my "Musicatherapy," and I can say that this song is surprisingly one of the most comforting songs I have. It give surprising empowerment despite it's low tones and heart wrenching lyrics.

Right, going off topic.

I think the main reason that this song came into my heart was after working with the Cambodian kids. And yes, they live in lives that could be better, they still have a reason to smile. They have a reason to stay hopeful. And we materialistic, self-centered (well, maybe not self-centered) Koreans have entered their lives and given them some good memories that they won't readily forget. And I guess even though they have suffered hardships just trying to live, we still gave them something amazing, something to be fond of.

So that's Fix You. A song with a simple message: "I will try to fix you." Take those words to heart. A heart to serve can and will make you do so much not just for yourself, but for those that you help.

Discovery Week

I'll be out of the country for a whole week, and won't bring my computer. So if you check my blog at some point, and wonder "Man, where the heck is this guy?" you know why there's no posts.
See ya'll in a week! :)

Ephemeral (story) update

Click me! Yays!
I realize it's shorter than usual, and that's because I've been having attention issues. I'll do my best to make these updates meatier, I promise.

Ephemeral (story) not-update

I technically have an update. It sucks. So I'm not posting it. I'll look over it the next week and see if I can improve it, but honestly, it feels too dry. Sorry.

Instead, have a video from FMA that has Mustang freaking out over dogs.
Click me.

What Sacrifice Can Cost

Sometimes, we don't know who in our lives will be out there to give up something for us. Make a sacrifice.
Almost never do we realize how much that sacrifice costs for that person.
I guess in a culture so used to greed and selfishness, it's hard to anticipate ANY form of sacrifice.
And yet, there are people that are willing to lay down their lives (or maybe just what matters to them; we don't always need to think big) for the sake of the ones they care about. I think there are plenty of big sacrifices in our lives already - our parents, our teachers. They have given up years to help make us wonderful people.
I think the ultimate sacrifice though is to give up our entire lives for someone that may or may not deserve it. Or maybe someone we don't even know. I find it awesome when people are willing to give up just a little to help people they don't know.
But can anyone give up their lives for someone they may not know, or even care about?
What would you give up to save someone that you don't know?

Blog redesign

I got really bored, so I just completely redid my blog.
...
...
...
Obviously, I'm joking.
But seriously, I did change some things. Most notable, you'll notice on the right hand side bar that I've now included links of other people's blogs that are cool (by which, I mean TWO, but the list will hopefully expand) and a link to my Deviantart. I also added a song reference as the blog's official song reference... but... I don't know.
This is where you readers that lurk and never comment get to get a say! I am on the fence between two possible phrases. Pick your favorite please by commenting!
Actually, don't. I decided on something besides the original reference, one that I think fits the idea of "Ephemeral" well ^^

The Gift of Giving

Thanks to Joon for giving me a link to 100 inspiration quotes, even though he misinterpreted my initial desires xD

Anyway, I began browsing through these quotes and found one interesting one:

"Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more." –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I find this so applicable to my life. Honestly, nothing makes me more happy then just lifting someone's day. Whether it's through a small gift (like baked brownies, I'm looking at you Joan) or just an encouraging message, I love seeing people smile. And honestly, I don't give a damn if I don't get anything (unless I ask for it...). I just want someone there to find a way to make me smile.

So challenge of the day: find a way to make others smile, because it's one of the few gifts that keeps on giving.

Finally! An Ephemeral (story) update!

It's belated but whatever! Click me!
You'll notice that I now have split up the story into arcs based off of season (Parts 1-9 was Autumn, and we're now going into Spring). I plan to end the story at the end of the Spring Arc, so this means we're effectively a third of the way through!
I'll be trying to work on Ephemeral again... but no promises for the next few weeks. SAT and XC is beating me around a lot.
Cheers! ^^

When You Got to Scream

Academics. Extra-curriculars. Sports. SAT's. EE's. CAS.

One way or another, we all end up facing the same thing: stress. It's easy to feel panicky and like all is lost. I've felt it, you've felt it, I'm pretty sure everyone's felt it in some way.
But what to do when that stress builds up?
We humans are surprisingly good at trying to bottle up our hurt and try to look like nothing's wrong. We could be screaming on the inside, but people only see the smile on your face.
But we're only human. We can crack.
And when you need to scream (metaphorically or otherwise), what then? I think that there's someone out there you can confide in that can help you.
And maybe you should be out there to anyone that may needs a shoulder to cry on. Just don't forget to find a shoulder you can cry on if need be.

Giving up

"I totally failed."
"I did really bad."
"I bombed the test."

I hate, hate, HATE, the pessimism and defeatist attitude that's so prevalent nowadays. What the heck happened to the optimistic and cheerful times? IB happened, that's what.

In all seriousness though, many people that are in high school that I've met have a tendency to undermine themselves. And what bugs me more than the fact that those people are being so pessimistic to begin with is the fact that a good majority of those people have little reason to be concerned.

Why? Why are people so willing to write themselves off as failures? Does it set their expectations low enough to the point where success will permanently lighten them up? Is it maybe modesty - trying to make them appear not as smart as they are? Is it maybe to prevent themselves to look more loftier than they are? I doubt any of those are the answer. It all comes down to self-doubt - confidence is something that's lacking nowadays. But why? Is there even a reason? Even those that study for hours on end will think they aren't ready. What kind of paranoia is this? Are we accepting that we students are made to only constantly spit out grades?

Maybe this sounds ranty, maybe even hypocritical - I know I underplay my own talents a lot. But still, this defeatist attitude has got to change. Even if we can't get an A, we still have other things that make us amazing. Right?

Announcement regarding Ephemeral (The Story)

I've had a bunch of motivation slumps this week, and I've barely covered more than 200 words per day (instead of my usual 500 words per day). Part of it is motivation, but I also need time to think of the story. Most of the notable plot points that I've though of have been covered, so I now need to think about what happens next.
In short, I'll be taking a break from writing Ephemeral. I also have had an idea for a short story, and I think i'll take a bit of time to write that out and see how it turns out.
There won't be an update next Wednesday. Until then!

Ephemeral (Story) Update and DeviantArt

First and foremost, the obligatory update is here. I may take a break from writing Ephemeral for about a week in the near future, but I don't know exactly when. I'll announce it when that happens.

Second, I got a new DeviantArt. You can see my wonderful art there. By which I mean the same style seven times in a row xD But whatever, eye candy is eye candy. I may delve into pixel art since I've proven in one of my art pieces (which isn't on DeviantArt) that I am capable of at least very basic pixel art, but we'll see how that goes.

Enjoy ^^